The Myth of Orphans & Orphanages

It seems that almost every week I receive an email or a call from someone interested in supporting an existent orphanage or who wants to establish new orphanages. While their desire to help needy children is heart-warming, I cringe at the thought of another orphanage. I tell people that orphanages are much like prisons, they are a "build them and they will come" scenario.

I ask people to pause for a moment and ask, where are all those "orphans" living now? The answer is typically that they are living with their family - yes, they do have families. Most children categorized as "orphaned" have one living parent, sometimes both parents are living. And even in cases where both parents are deceased, there are aunts, uncles, and grandparents. Here is a graph created by the Better Care Network Secretariat, which demonstrates the staggering percentage of children who reside in orphanages, while they have at least one living parent.

Country	Estimated percentage of children in orphanages with at least one parent alive
Afghanistan	85-90%
Belarus	87%
Bolivia	59%
Kyrgyzstan	80%
Sri Lanka	80%
Tajikistan	80%
Zimbabwe	39%

The driving force behind most children moving into orphanages is poverty. When as a parent you are barely surviving the day-to-day crush of profound poverty, and you can barely feed the children you already have, you may view the orphanage as a good option. Consider that the children there typically get regular meals, basic medical care and clothing and schooling - even more benefits if this orphanage is supported by Western funding. This can outwardly look like a great alternative to what little the parent can offer. But does a baby or child live on food, medicine, books and toys alone? Can an institution provide what a parent can? The answer to both questions is a vehement "No".

I have visited many orphanages and I have heard reports from many more. The reality is that they do exist and the reasons they do are complex and often involve multi-faceted -- family poverty, disease, a serious medical condition or disability, gender preferences, the stigma of unwed motherhood, etc... -- but an institution cannot provide what a family can. Orphanages are simplistic solutions that let parents, family, community, society and government all off the hook. If an orphanage building exists it will be filled with children, but dropping children off at these institutes is much easier than trying to reverse the tide 3, or 5, or 17 years later when it is time to reintegrate these children into the community.

Westerners want to help, but most do not understand the extremely complex dynamics that are at play, and building orphanages for "orphans" is about the most destructive possible action one can take. When a child is removed from his or her family and community and placed in an institution, it is often a one-way ticket, and they rarely leave. Institutionalization typically causes radical developmental delays, impairing physical, cognitive, language and social/emotional development. How can a child learn to love and be loved in an institution? And, when children do not build this basic human capacity, the lifetime consequences for the child and community can be devastating. This is exactly the concern that led HHI to begin our work in orphanages.

While HHI continues to support orphanages with care-giver training and consultations, we now work more within communities, with pre-school teachers, day care workers and directly with parents. We have found that these people are working every day to care for their children, or the children of their community, and every day they are faced with poverty, lack of food and resources, gender discrimination, etc., BUT they are eager to provide for their children and they are excited and honored to have an HHI Trainer teach them how they can best support their children’s health and development.

Since our launch in 2006, HHI has worked with just over 3,000 women, and they are in turn improving the well-being of almost 23,000 children! And, this has been done with less than $400,000, which is pretty amazing, considering the typical results are: children are healthier, gaining more weight, learning language earlier, have improved sleep and digestion and are easier to soothe; and women are more confident, take greater pride in their work, provide improved nutrition, practice better hygiene and sanitation, are more responsive to their children, and more at ease in their care-giving.

Sadly, a recent CNN article recently trumpeted the building of a new orphanage in Uganda. The article outlines that the cost of the construction was roughly $800,000. It will accommodate 180 orphans at capacity. At the opening of this institution, “Local dignitaries and the orphans' relatives, who couldn't afford to care for them, attended.... It was a rousing celebration of song and dance, ceremonial ribbon-cuttings and speeches…” REALLY? Exactly what was to be celebrated?

What if this concerted effort (which raised $800,000) was focused on helping the families of their children who “couldn’t afford to care for them”? What if they were given support with some extra food, school fees and health care? I doubt that would have cost almost a million dollars, and would be considerably less expensive than the monthly operating costs will be to care for all of these children in the orphanage.

FACT: In Eritrea, the average economic cost for one child in residential care averaged about $1,900; in Benin about $1,300. The corresponding cost of a child’s integration into a family in Eritrea was about $100. (World Bank, July 2004)

I think it’s time that we think more deeply, become more informed, and meet people where they are. Orphanages are not the solution, at best they can offer a temporary safety net. There are much better ways to help. Find ways to invest in options that keep children where they belong, in the community. This is healthier for the children, the families, communities and future global society.

Do It Anyway

This quote inspires me and helps me focus on what I truly value. It was reportedly found written on the wall in Mother Teresa’s home for children in Calcutta:

1. People are often unreasonable, irrational, and self-centered. Forgive them anyway.

2. If you are kind, people may accuse you of selfish, ulterior motives. Be kind anyway.

3. If you are successful, you will win some unfaithful friends and some genuine enemies. Succeed anyway.

4. If you are honest and sincere people may deceive you. Be honest and sincere anyway.

5. What you spend years creating, others could destroy overnight. Create anyway.

6. If you find serenity and happiness, some may be jealous. Be happy anyway.

7. The good you do today, will often be forgotten. Do good anyway.

8. Give the best you have, and it will never be enough. Give your best anyway.

9. In the final analysis, it is between you and God. It was never between you and them anyway.

The Women's Crusade

The Women's Crusade
NY Times, By NICHOLAS D. KRISTOF and SHERYL WuDUNN

"IN THE 19TH CENTURY, the paramount moral challenge was slavery. In the 20th century, it was totalitarianism. In this century, it is the brutality inflicted on so many women and girls around the globe: sex trafficking, acid attacks, bride burnings and mass rape." read the entire article
This article is an astonishing portrait of inspirational stories, horrifying and hopeful statistics and successes that can be created and recreated around the world. It underlies all the reasons why HHI was founded on the interwoven principles of Empowering Women ~ Nurturing Children. To support children, we must first support their caregivers.

"The world is awakening to a powerful truth: Women and girls aren’t the problem; they’re the solution."

Taking it to the street - literally!

In the last few weeks Sujatha led a record number of HHI parenting classes, all of these were in small and very remote villages in southern India. However what made me these particular trainings amazing -- beyond the usual witnessing of young mothers discover their own power in building their baby's brain development, and all the loving-goodness -- was that these trainings were held in the middle of a street. Yes, a street.

When Sujatha arrived to lead the trainings, the local organizers led her to a small community room, which must have been really, really small, as she reported that the room would have held about 6-8 women. Gathering behind Sujatha, as she walked to and then viewed this tiny space were the mothers, lots of mothers! In total 28 mothers, all with babies and children in tow, were following her to make sure that they would have a space in the Hands to Hearts training, and it seemed they knew space was limited.

Seeing all of the women, and turning back to look at the training space, it was clear that this was not going to work. The women talked and quickly concluded that there was plenty of space outside the tiny room and the women all agreed that they would happily sit in the middle of the street as long as they could participate. The village leaders offered a shady street to be turned into HHI's classroom. The village vendors, pulling their carts would come upon the street only to see it filled with mothers and children conducting puppet shows, singing songs and dancing, and they would find another way to get to the market. Men, women, grandmas, grandpas and kids all walking, biking or driving through the village came upon the same scene, and often before they would go to find a way around this training, they would sit and become a part of the training themselves.

I have always claimed that HHI Trainings could really happen anywhere in the world, but I had never considered a street.Bravo to these women for not letting anything get in the way of their learning, and kudos to Sujatha for her endless creativity, flexibility and tenacity in giving!

Internship & Volunteer Opportunities

We are seeking some extra support in our US office. HHI's team needs some smart and committed interns (or volunteers) to act as:

1) Program Assistant, with a heavy focus on research and evaluation.

2) Journalism Intern, to create new stories, copy, web content and potentially grant writing.

3) Curriculum Developer, to provide fine tuning on current HHI curriculum, modifying for low literacy populations and create distinct lesson plans.

4) Human Resources volunteer to update agency documents, create Board Manual, and Policy and Procedure Manual.

See the full descriptions of skills we are seeking at: http://www.handstohearts.org/internships.htm

UConn Magazine Spotlights HHI

I graduated from University of Connecticut in 1993. This last winter, UConn Magazine called me to learn about the creation of Hands to Hearts, and then they wrote up a beautiful version of my story in their recent summer edition.

UConn Magazine, Summer 2009 - Promoting Healthy Children In Developing Nations


Thanks UConn!

HHI is “Blu” and you should be, too!

We recently became a founding alliance member of BluMail, a nonprofit organization that, like us, is working to improve the lives of millions of people around the world. Please visit the BluMail Web site, sign-up for a free email account, and check out the very useful content and connect with others, and encourage everyone you know to do the same.

Launched in the fall of 2008 at the United Nations (U.N.), with initial support from U.N. organizations and Cisco Foundation, BluMail provides free email accounts and “make-a-difference” content to the millions of people, particularly youth, who are coming online in developing countries in the next five years.

The content on BluMail is so useful because it comes from alliance member organizations – other NGOs, nonprofits, foundations and socially responsible organizations - see them all – which produce thousands of Internet pages every year anyway. The BluMail Web site, which is instantly translatable into 10 languages (with more planned), aggregates a lot of this content into a one-stop resource with easy-to-understand information on just about every topic that matters to people in developing nations.

Visit BluMail to learn more about activism and volunteering, conflict resolution, global news from the world’s best sources, entrepreneurship, environmental issues, healthy lifestyles (e.g., AIDS and malaria prevention), human rights, religious understanding, women's empowerment, youth leadership development and empowerment, mental health, employment, story sharing, networking, mentoring and volunteering.

We believe and trust you will agree that this type of information is more valuable than the content on other sites that offer free email accounts (e.g., Yahoo! and Hotmail) -- the latest celebrity scandal, new ring tones for your cell phone, sports scores, etc. So sign-up today and also get your friends, coworkers and relatives using BluMail. Visit www.blumail.org.

A Brilliant Model - Not a Typical Orphanage

So many people tell me that their dream to is to build an orphanage for children in Africa or some other place in desperate need. I understand that the person's intention is to do good, to rescue children, but I am exceptionally frustrated by this idea that creating yet another orphanage is mistaken as "good". I have now visited dozens of orphanages and I can tell you there is almost no such thing as a "good orphanage".

Orphanages do exist, but to create more of them is a BIG mistake in almost any situation. In most cultures it is the extended family and/or community that takes in orphans. It is the role of others in the community, local churches, government and other organizations to provide the vital support to make these informal adoptions work. But many countries have created and embedded the practice of creating institutional care to take in orphans. I liken this situation to prisons - it is a "build them and they will come" scenario. And, once these institutions are built and filled, this sadly becomes a long-term status quo - out of sight, out of mind. And then to try to de-institutionalize children, reintegrate them into families and communities after years of living in an institution where they did not develop bonding, full physical/cognitive/social or language development, these children do NOT transition smoothly back into a family/community or society that they have never been a part of.

HHI strives to offer orphanages training and support to improve the care they offer to the babies and children in them, though it is not our goal to just make "better orphanages". Our ultimate goal is to undermine why these institutions exist in the first place, reasons such as intractable poverty and women not having any knowledge or say about family planning.

I was excited to have jsut learned about a brilliant model that bridges the gaps for orphaned children and their extended families and communities. Check out this article in the New York Times, "Death in Birth: Fragile Tanzanian Orphans Get Help After Mothers Die." This is a creative solution that includes families and ensures a successful reintegration of children who are tragically orphaned.